North/South Joke - It's an old one, but I'm from the South...family from all over and still enjoy.

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to
the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt
to the difference in lifestyles:

 The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses

 The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

 The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

 The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

 The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

 The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

 The North has green salads, The South has collard greens

 The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

 The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt..

 In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live
for.

 Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do
not buy food at this store.

 Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is
plural possessive.

 Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
use it.

 Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or
"big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this
way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay
out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go
there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

 AND REMEMBER:

 If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

My favorite kitties.  I love the kitties that I have now...and they sometimes drive me batty...but that's probably because the ones I  have now meow a lot and these two in the picture below never did and I never taught them that...they just didn't meow.

Okay, Mom...enough pictures, plead Mr. Whiskers and Smokey.

Found a pic that I took in the last three years or so...it's a black and white of a statue of Oliver Cromwell in London.  Yea...not the greatest person in history but I like this pic.

For All the Ladies:

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working

overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this

one?"

 And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?  She has to be

completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable

and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children

at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken

heart - and she will do everything with only two hands."

 The angel was astounded at the requirements.  "Only two hands!? No way!

And that's just on the standard model?  That's too much work for one day.

Wait until tomorrow to finish."

 "But I won't," the Lord protested.  "I am so close to finishing this

creation that is so close to my own heart.  She already heals herself when she is sick

AND can work 18 hours a day."

 The angel moved closer and touched the woman.  "But you have made her so

soft, Lord."

 "She is soft, "the Lord agreed, but I have also made her tough.  You

have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

 "Will she be able to think," asked the angel?

 The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able

to reason and negotiate."

 The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's

cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.  I told you that you were

trying to put too much into this one."

 "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"

 "What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

 The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow,

her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

 The angel was impressed.  "You are a genius, Lord.  You thought of

everything! Woman is truly amazing."

 And she is!  Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships

and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love, and joy.  They smile when

they wan to scream.  They sing when they want to cry.  They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.  They fight for what they believe in.  They

stand up to injustice.  They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there

is a better solution.  They go without so their family can have.  They go to

the doctor with a frightened friend.  They love unconditionally.  They cry when their

children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.  They are happy

when they hear about a birth or a wedding.  Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think

There is no strength left.  They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken

heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.  They'll drive, fly, walk,

run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.  The heart of a woman is

what makes the world keep turning.  They bring joy, hope and love.  They have

compassion and ideals.  They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give. 

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

In Memoriam